Well here i am, overcome by intense emotion possibly caused by female hormones... or maybe i have some diverse kind of bi-polar disorder which causes me to feel utterly worthless at the most random times in my life. Just wanting to lie here in this intense cerulean atmosphere... and get swallowed whole by my unknown sorrow, i must escape before i get dragged down completely into the land of poignant shadows. In order to do that i must therefore come up with a few reasons that might possibly describe this peculiar behavior of mine!
I feel trapped in an unsightly, overweight exterior that weighs me down continuously. I feel like one of Picasso's masterpieces, except I'm not being put up in the homes of millions to be admired by. I'm more like one of his earlier works; not entirely finished, a bit rough, with plenty of room for improvement. I can physically feel my flaws on me, clawing away at my psychological barriers, leaving me weak to defend myself from harsh acts. Perhaps these may in time satisfy the targets i set out for myself, but not for my physical.. and mental health. Although the fact still remains that i may never feel completely at ease with myself and my personal conflict.. or perhaps it's not fact, just a paranoid thought in the back of my overpowered mind. All i really want is to be loved... the driving force behind these stupidious thoughts of mine. With the love of someone, i can bloom like a flower in spring... petals brightly painted against the lush green grass of an unspoiled meadow, hidden away in the unseen depths of a magical forest. Unfortunately i do not possess the treasure in which those treasure hunters are particularly interested, either that or my place of residence does not play host to those with me tuned in to their radar.
The burdens of life leaving me constantly seeking a means of transporting myself away to world of magic, even just temporarily. Finding such an exportation, i find myself benefiting from this like a thirsty desert dweller coming upon an oasis, after having trekked through the sweltering Sahara for days on end. Usually my saviour comes in the form of thought provoking books... i can read for my country if i am left with a room full of appealing treasuries. A more lively method is simply being in the company of those i am proud to call my friends. They can resurrect me from the deepest pits of oblivion into the tranquil lights of reality.
So, even though i am in need of my mask at times... i cannot hide from my inner self. Although this post may suggest otherwise, i am a cheerful, bubbly person at heart. Only when left on my own, is when i tend to fall, alas this only happens at certain times.
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