Everyday I look in the mirror, look at my reflection... and always find something wrong with what I see. I walk along the town, check out my reflection in windows just to reassure myself that I still look ok... most of the time it ends up letting me down. If the simple fact that I'm tall and round isn't enough..-and actually look like an overgrown midget- I self consciously peer at my mirror self.. and disgust myself when I see the mounds of crimson blemishes or the little flakes of eczima flourishing around my nose...yeugh, how horrible..especially when almost all of the girls in my school have perfect skin. How cruel this world is..And if that isn't enough.... my bottom gum deformity - caused by me unconciously breathing through my mouth in my sleep - makes my chubby cheeked smiles look a little off. Oh, and did I forget to mention that my hair is utterly ruthless? It's beautiful, soft and shiny... but its sooo lanky and and doesn't fall right around my head, and it's in a weird cut shape right now which somehow makes me look like I have no neck. In times like these I wonder, why me. Why do I get to be so mishapen... why can't I look as hot and sexy and cute as the girls in the other schools. Then there comes the whole boyfriend issue... am I really that gruesome that I can't attract anyone but the really desperate creeps slinking about town?
Yeah... the other day I took my phone to the phone fundi to look at my phone. Wonderously, he fixed it! I was so happy... but not for long. About an hour later I started getting harrassing phone calls and text messages from this fundi, who had somehow taken my number from my phone without me knowing.Talk about sinister, weeelll... he stopped as soon as my dad got ahold of his number...
Anyway...back to the point I was trying to get to before I got a bit sidetracked with the disturbing fundi story..
I realised after a shock of realization hit me after hearing about all the earthquakes, that 2012 is actually, quite possible indeed. Being a paranoid person, and becoming a slow believer of this travesty.. I can honestly say that right now, I'm scared shitless. I have my whole life ahead of me.. so many unseen adventures and love affairs that await, and it might all just simply.. end.
So.. the point.. well, the point is that I should forget about all my flaws and problems, and really start enjoying life, because it will one day just come to a sudden end. In any way. It's too short to really stress about the size of my butt or the shape of my body...
Nobody is perfect.. and personality counts a lot, and I am a great person... so what's stopping me from being happy and enjoying life. From now on I'm making a vow to never stress about my looks, and to stop being so insecure. To stop thinking of all the things that are wrong in my life... school grades.. boyfriends.. bad friends.. family issues.. and just live my life. A vow not to have any regrets in this life, and live each moment like it may be my last on this godforsaken planet. Yes, that is a bit of a cliche.. and might possibly be heard quite often from a lot of people, but so be it. I'm telling ya... this may be the dawn of a new era.. a new Inez people! The fun side of me is gonna come out with a bang.. and it's gonna stay. No more black moods.. just a happy chappy. Screw looks.. I am fine the way I am. I am postively beautiful! Well, in my own unique way.. and I am awesome.. very awesome. So so so awesome... Ok, stopping with the awesomeness now... I might smother you with my new found cockiness, I'll try to keep it under control.
Still scared and desperately sad about the possible future apocolypse (this could be argued) I'm going into a Hippy mode, so watch out people... A new hippy on the loose.. Peace and love all!
Oh, and on a further note may I add Alice in wonderland is phenomenal. Tim Burton is certainly one of the greatest and most creative directors out there... his movies are always excellent.. with a slight eery edge to them. Some may argue, but then with his movies, one either loves them, or hates them. Besides, what movie with Johnny Depp -no matter how odd he may look in it- is not guaranteed to be awesome? This is a definite must see.
Cheers to for now!
Nezzy x
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Dear Inez,
ReplyDeleteyou said it best in your profile, you are blonde and not so dumb.
GOOD ON YOU to realize looks are only one small part of a person. You are an inspiration and i wish every girl your age could read this.
xx lori
p.s. yes johnny depp!