Untitled

There she sits
In the corner she's alone
Her shadow there so she doesn't get lonely
Folded into a ball
Grasping at parts of herself she hasn't yet lost

Her hair falling around her solemn visage
The gentle tears cascading down her cheeks
Her eyes glossy with fresh moisture
The past few weeks there in her gaze

Let me help you.
Show me the reason.
The pain in your breathing
So hidden, yet still there
Open for those willing to listen
Just to pause, and see what's in front of them
It doesn't take a genius to work out
When someone's hurting
Let me bear your torment
Let me carry your burden

The weight of it all pushing down so hard
Her shoulders slumped over
Lifeless, too tired to go on

Her stooped head
Overworked, too much to think about
Confused about what to do, and where to go
Her world upside down
Everything twisting and turning
Taking off in different directions

Let me help you.
Show me your reason.
The pain in your breathing
So hidden...still there
Open for us who are willing to listen
Who have seen what's in front of them
And worked out
That someone's hurting
I'll bear your torment
I'll carry your burden

Hidden behind your mask
Nobody takes notice
Only seeing the fake persona
You put on

You can't let them see through you
They mustn't see
They wouldn't understand
They'd just show apathy
And pretend to sympathize

Let me help you.
Show me your reason.
The pain in your breathing
So hidden... but definitely there
I'm willing to listen
For I've seen what's there in front of me
And worked out
That You're hurting
I'll bear your torment
I'll carry your burden

The rose blossoms
Gracefully unfolding
She slowly gets up
Takes two steps forward

Ready to take on reality
Just keep strong
Battle Armour out
Gotta fight those demons

Look at her now
On her own
No longer afraid
Like a butterfly

There she goes

(First draft )

Shallow waters - Just Jinjer

I'm leaving, tommorow ...
And I don't know, why.
There's something, that's not right with my soul,
I have no goal, I have no goal.
I'm leaving shallow waters,
I'm leaving all my dreams of you,
I can't go on, I want to run away...
I think I'll go today.
Tommorow, it won't help me at all,
it won't help me at all.

There's something, that I told you and,
you don't know, that it's true,
oh, that it's true now ...
I'm leaving shallow waters,
I'm leaving all my dreams of you,
I can't go on,
I want to run away ...

I'm leaving shallow waters,
all my dreams of you,
I can't go on, I want to run away,
run away, I think I'll go today,
'cos you know, tommorow,
it won't help me at all,
it won't help me at all.

Shallow waters,
all my dreams of you,
I can't go on,
I'm leaving shallow waters.

Ocean lullaby

With eyes closed
I lay me down unto the blanket of sand

Slowly, I open myself up to the rush

The night sky above us sparkling
We watch them intensely
As we try to make sense of this time,
This moment that time has left behind

In our own resilient little bubble
Aware of only each other,
Your eyes gently gaze into mine
As I search your face for a meaning

My oxygen supply gradually empties
As more escapes in every exhale

Burning Fire seems to tear up through my bloodstream
While your fingertips tenderly caress my cheek

I let this rush swallow me whole
Enjoying this sudden enraged heat
As it surges through every molecule

...Seeing you squirm
I know you feel it too

Nothing makes sense...

We're two strangers
Stretched out across each other
Inhaling each others' sweet aroma
As each wave seems to break

Yet, here I am
Finding myself in your stare
As you look into my soul
And seem to find what you're looking for, too

It's as you're reaching out to me
And enveloping my face in your embrace
At this frame in time...
That everything finally makes sense...
And appears to fall right into place.

Even though i am 17, and life practically hasn't started yet, i feel myself facing minor, yet still definite difficulties each week. Why can't life just be simple for once... at least a little bit so that one doesn't feel like plunging her head into a pillow and screaming... shouting out all the furies and frustrations that life has to offer. Set out on a shiny silver platter practically forcing itself on you.. and what's worse, it even has the spitefulness to ask you 'so which one would you like today... boy trouble or body issues?', probably worse for us teenage girls though... but still, i can imagine other problems it can possibly spring up on the unsuspecting prey of tomorrow.

In my opinion, the absolute pits is when you think you've had enough drama to last you at least another few days, then, miraculously! As if by pure spite, a bloody pimple sprouts up on the most visible spot on your face. Then it's, oh nice... now i have to go through public scrutiny.. as if having a less than perfect figure isn't enough! oh lord help me... on second thought, help those dear souls at school who'll have to go through trying not to stare at a disgusting little blemish practically dancing around in front of them all day long.
Then, to accompany the particularly saucy main course of pimple a la embarrassment, is of course, those teachers out there who make it their sole purpose in life to make life especially hard on YOU. yes... they do indeed pick out students to hate on specially... because, here it is; You know how there are those people out there who you just cannot stand. They didn't do anything particularly bitchy.. or annoying, the fact that they're there, just somehow manages to irritate the living hell out of you. They can't help it, but that's not the issue. The issue here is when you are that person, to a specific teacher. Now, that sucks.. because no matter how hard you try to be nice... and sweet.. and put on the ol' puppy dog eyes... you'll still be the one in the whole of the class who gets picked on the most,and get's shat on the most for not doing something right.
For example... whoops, you forgot your ruler. Normally not such a big deal now is it? Wait for it... 'sir, do you by any chance have a ruler that i may borrow for today? i seem to have forgotten mine by accident..' a short pause. 'Inez, inez.. inez, now really, if you're not going to follow the school rules then why do you even bother coming to class?' grumble grumble.. 'disappointing.. blah blah blah..' reluctantly goes and fetches a little ruler.. 'here, make sure you give it back before the end of class' ... 'thanks sir.. will do'. Now.. you think that's the end of it? Nope, you are much mistaken. This is usually followed by endless amounts of 'dissing' in the most subtle ways... 'being a bit blonde today inez?'...'hmmm not really the brightest now are you..' and so on and so on... makes one just want to back-hand slap them across the head and say 'Gosh! get over yourself already!'
I watched the movie 'Avatar' the other night (after a lot of anticipation and begging the father for money to go and see it..), and i have to say... BRILLIANT.. i absolutely LOVED it! The whole thing in animation, it is a masterpiece. Great storyline, great footage... brilliant movie. Just brilliant.. that's all i could probably say, because the whole thing was just so wonderful that I can't exactly find the right words to describe it. It's one of those flicks that make you think afterwords... and just randomly smile. The movie , so beautiful you almost feel like crying. It's got a magical feel about it...and the graphics add to that feeling perfectly. A definite must see, some find the beginning a bit boring, they're wrong. Watch the whole thing. Because, as i said earlier... Avatar is Brilliant. And i shall end this post on that note.

'Sometimes i get so weird, i even freak myself out. I laugh myself to sleep, it's my lullaby...'

'What is up' you ask, what is up? Seriously! Whats up?? Well if you really want to know what is up, I'll tell you. This might come as a shock, so take deep breaths. Now, wait for it...the sky is up. No really, if you pull your head back and look, you'll see my point. Well i guess if you're in a house then a ceiling might be up, but what's above the ceiling?... I'll give you a clue, it's blue.. and has white puffy things floating in it. Yes, you guessed it... the sky! So, you want to know what's up? The sky is up...there's your question answered. Bravo, clap clap clap... woot woot.. ho ho. Now may we please have a decent conversation?
Like...why are Dan Brown's books so darned captivating? I can't seem to put the Da Vinci code down, although it is only fiction, i find each new page more attention drawing that the previous one. I'm so into it that I'm even considering symbology and cryptogoly as ideas for a career! However, speaking to my dad about it has left me thinking otherwise.. still, a girl can have her soft spots! I guess I just get so excited by the idea that some things-symbols..paintings..works of art, architecture..etc-, seem meaningless at first glance, but carry a whole different story and meaning behind it. I find that so... completely and utterly fascinating. If you have read either Angels and Demons, or The Da Vinci Code, you'll see what i mean. I recommend that you read the books though, since the movies are never as good as the books.
An eclipse took place this morning, and even though it was only a partial one, it must have been one of the most intriguing events on my life here on earth that i have ever witnessed. My dream is to see the full solar eclipse, when the moon covers the sun, leavng a bright ring of fire around a blackened round shape. I've seen photos and i find it excuisitely beautiful... i only hope i see one in my lifetime!
Hmmm.. music.. truly is the gateway to one's soul. A glittering tune finding it's way into your head and through the entryway, surging a deep emotion through your body. A feeling in relation to whatever genre is in play...right now its mellow...mellow alternative. Mellifluous songs soaking my weak psyche in sweet harmony. My companion... it never lets me down. Ever wonder why music has this effect on people? Why does music seem like the one thing the world simply can NOT live without? It's like a life drug, there are different types... different types for different tastes.. and once ingested, brings a feeling of contentment.. yet can make one feel horridly depressive at other times. Alas music.. our one alternative to the ultimate happy drug.. hail music! Let's make a toast... let music never die, and let it keep playing saccharine melodies in this corrupt, yet still magnificent planet of ours.
Woah... Now, how exactly did i get onto this topic?? Well i guess i really am just that random... which is not a bad thing.. i mean hey, weird people are good for this world. With us around there's never a dull moment, so no situations arise to bore one out of their mind.
Right... let me finish on an 'un-weird' and 'un-random' note. So as to satisfy those minds out there who don't take to uncanny observations so well. Here's me clicking the button, and leaving this page..

'i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinking, maybe six feet ain't so far down'

Well here i am, overcome by intense emotion possibly caused by female hormones... or maybe i have some diverse kind of bi-polar disorder which causes me to feel utterly worthless at the most random times in my life. Just wanting to lie here in this intense cerulean atmosphere... and get swallowed whole by my unknown sorrow, i must escape before i get dragged down completely into the land of poignant shadows. In order to do that i must therefore come up with a few reasons that might possibly describe this peculiar behavior of mine!

I feel trapped in an unsightly, overweight exterior that weighs me down continuously. I feel like one of Picasso's masterpieces, except I'm not being put up in the homes of millions to be admired by. I'm more like one of his earlier works; not entirely finished, a bit rough, with plenty of room for improvement. I can physically feel my flaws on me, clawing away at my psychological barriers, leaving me weak to defend myself from harsh acts. Perhaps these may in time satisfy the targets i set out for myself, but not for my physical.. and mental health. Although the fact still remains that i may never feel completely at ease with myself and my personal conflict.. or perhaps it's not fact, just a paranoid thought in the back of my overpowered mind. All i really want is to be loved... the driving force behind these stupidious thoughts of mine. With the love of someone, i can bloom like a flower in spring... petals brightly painted against the lush green grass of an unspoiled meadow, hidden away in the unseen depths of a magical forest. Unfortunately i do not possess the treasure in which those treasure hunters are particularly interested, either that or my place of residence does not play host to those with me tuned in to their radar.
The burdens of life leaving me constantly seeking a means of transporting myself away to world of magic, even just temporarily. Finding such an exportation, i find myself benefiting from this like a thirsty desert dweller coming upon an oasis, after having trekked through the sweltering Sahara for days on end. Usually my saviour comes in the form of thought provoking books... i can read for my country if i am left with a room full of appealing treasuries. A more lively method is simply being in the company of those i am proud to call my friends. They can resurrect me from the deepest pits of oblivion into the tranquil lights of reality.
So, even though i am in need of my mask at times... i cannot hide from my inner self. Although this post may suggest otherwise, i am a cheerful, bubbly person at heart. Only when left on my own, is when i tend to fall, alas this only happens at certain times.