Macabre

It's hard, when you get hit with a shock realization. When something hits so close to home that you really just, don't know how to react, you're so lost for words that only you're choking sobs fill the silence. You feel as if you're trapped between worlds, not sure which direction to take. You've never felt so alone.

As you walk down that silent road, you contemplate the future, and how you will conquer it by yourself. You ponder those you thought you had, and grieve when you think about how much you had given. You feel like a freak, unappreciated, mental. You wish you could be the first priority, that for once, you could be the world to someone. You wish you weren't so alone.

Your head swims in an void of lost dreams, a current of insanity. You try to keep grounded, while you're feet feel like taking off into space. Nothing seems to distract you, nothing but your mind, can occupy you. Music..moving images.. text... for once, it all seems so worthless. You welcome emptiness... anything, just not to feel so fucked up anymore. Lost in a pit of self despair, you sit and rot, while you try to heal enough to pull yourself out of this darkened well.

Suddenly, you feel so old, your youth gone down the drain, ceasing to return. Yet, you feel like a little child, a hopeless puppy, so vulnerable, caught up in the sharp jaws of harsh reality. You wonder, if you'll ever be happy again,

10th April 2011

Another blog post, another day in the life of a blonde psycho. Yes, that's me.. I honestly believe I am somewhat psychotic. Hoorah. I have incidentally started another blog called http://psychoticbubble.blogspot.com/ just to have a blog with a bit of a different viewpoint from this one, hopefully it will be somewhat less depressing! It is called What's my Age Again?. I like this name. I like it a lot. Ok, so have exams coming up soon, the dark cloud of judgement looming above my head like a heavy storm cloud, please let me do good in this! Because, as everyone has been taking every opportunity to tell me , my future 'depends on this'. Oh my, way to liven one's spirit ay? Anyway, I am off to gander in my day dreaming world of imagination, and hopefully come out all sunshine and pooping butterflies. Im in such a weird spot in my life right now, I dont know where to turn, or what to do. Oh well.. let me follow my instincts. Fare thee well

Intruder

Intruding distraction,
stealing my thoughts and running away with them into unknown depths.
Carry them on your musical wave,
and bring the present back in a shock of confusion.
Endless dreams in a lucid manner
drive my attention away from gnawing reality.

Unhealthy... magical.
Disorderly...unorganized.

Waver supposed importance,

to the important.

Lazy or bored?
In love.
With what.
A fiction.

Lure my mind to far away desires.
Mingle with the dead,
sing with the revered.